And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
