god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
