hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
