Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
