she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
