you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
