He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
