Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
