just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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