So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize