Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
