I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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