Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
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