I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
