i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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