i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
