my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
is wine microwaveable?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
