I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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