Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
