Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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