So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
