So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
