Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
