I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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