I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
