I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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