That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
