Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
