I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
