just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
