i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Welp...herpes.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
