So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
