I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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