what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
