At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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