All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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