How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
