The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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