it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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