Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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