There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
