there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
