Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
