He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
