Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
