i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
