dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
