are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
