all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize