I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize