You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She said her name was "party"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
