I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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