i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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