Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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