you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize