This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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