well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
