Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
