Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
