those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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