she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
