My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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