I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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