I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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