just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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