i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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