what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
