remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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